Thursday, December 30, 2010

Wings to Fly


How will I change things?

                                          





I am sometimes a shadow of myself
and afraid to let myself soar... 





 Will I fly away like a bird  so high  above..
because flying away is a great way to escape all those
negative feelings and I can think of many ways to fly
away...I’m good at that.


all art work by Giuesppe de Piero

The holidays always make me feel so blue,  so lonely, so adrift...Families gather, but
mine is faraway in miles and in my heart, and it feels as if it is about to explode into a million
fragments...my emotions are on the surface and the ones that are buried or that I thought were
buried come forth with a vengeance.  And I feel as fragile as a tiny hummingbird with broken
wing gasping for its last breath while it lays in the palm of my hand...



But then a new year approaches...and my thoughts change to how can I make things better..

            

On coming to a close of the year 2010, I pause and look at me and what I’ve become...I have
changed...I am different and I like it.   It’s taken me long enough but I think that at last I can say
“I love you” and mean it.  And although there are many things that I could change and possibly should
change in my personality, there are loads of things I like too...and these are the very things I plan on
focusing on in this new year that is approaching.    I want to be honest and open...kinder and gentler...
quieter...eliminate false fears, don’t let negative thinking cloud my vision,  work for things I want and
naysayers be damned...Shedding old skin is good...healing, cleansing, rejuvenating...still authentic but  not being afraid to show who I am, warts and all.   Watch me cry...see me laugh...let me put my foot in my mouth one more time.  And when I do make a bad, let me learn from it and not instead isolate in my
shell smouldering with anger or hurt and pain.     I can’t change just to please you,  but I might change to please myself.

18 comments:

La Petite Gallery said...

Hope you had a marvelous Christmas. Sending you a wish for a Happy, Prosperious and Healthy New Year. Hope to see ya in the year 2011

yvonne

Joanna Jenkins said...

I wish all that for you and more-- Have a wonderful rest of the holidays and a happy and bright 2011.
Cheers, jj

Fire Byrd said...

To be who we are, to accept ourselves, to stop decrying our'faults', to be at peace. That is what I wish for you (and me!)Because if we have that we have life in all its glories, good and bad.
xx

kelro said...

Awesome. Well writ as usual. Wishing you all good things.
kelly

collage whirl said...

Very well said! Wishing you all the best in creativity and everything else for 2011. Check my blog for a little post about your very lovely necklace now residing in my jewelry drawer.
:-) Deborah

miss*R said...

big hugs to you my sweet. we are all in this together.. read the comments on my post about my Christmas blues.. lots of wise advice.

sending much love from my heart to yours.. 2011 will be a fantastic year.. lets make a pact of visiting each other more often!! xo

Pamela said...

Ah, so sorry for your pain. I love how you are accepting yourself--celebrating the good--and looking forward to positive change. That's where I find myself at the beginning of another year. Awesome post.

Jacqueline said...

My dear friend Cynthia,
I really do think that you are being a little hard on yourself ans perhaps over analysing......OR, maybe I don't think hard enough about myself !! Isn't it funny, how we are all so different. Some people think about so many parts of themselves. I don't think that I do at all !! I just take each day as it comes and go with the flow. Perhaps I should delve a little deeper !!
I KNOW that you are going to have a wonderful, rich and fulfilling 2011 so, look forward to all of the fun, successful and happy times that the new year will bring. Lots of love Cynthia and positive mental attitude is definitely the way to go. XXXX

Chris said...

Cynthia~
Good thoughtful post. It sounds as if your are growing, with the pain and thoughtfulness that accompanies that. I believe joy will follow!
Sending you love my friend~~

Kath said...

Well, you sound like the kind of person I would like to get to know better. Happy new Year Cynthia, I hope it brings everything you wish for and dream of.

Pooch Purple Reign said...

just look ahead.... i must do the same. good things to come in 2011. i can feel it
~laura xx

Christine said...

Hoping in 2011 you are able to focus on the joy of growth in new experiences, friends and lessons. Your writing brought tears to my eyes.
May you find a sense of peace in your heart and soul.

Marian said...

I know how you feel and I sometimes find the holidays very difficult. None of my family live here and I also feel "adrift". I think of it as my mid-Atlantic mood - I'm not totally "here" in the US but when I'm back in the UK I'm not totally "there" either. It's extremely unsettling...I know that I have to work on this. Thanks for your great post. Food for thought. Moving forward, always moving forward to a new day. Happy New Year

Sally Annie Magundy said...

Hi Cynthia!
Running in to wish you a wonderful New Year's Eve and much happiness in 2011!

Brrrrr it's cold over here in WLA this morning ... hope you're staying warm and toasty and I look forward to catching up with you in the new year.

Happy happy 2011,

Sally xoxo

Robin's Egg Bleu said...

Beautiful blog! Have a wonderful, peace filled New Year!
Take Care,
Robin

Fire Byrd said...

Learning to be at peace with who we are, warts et al is part of finally growing up in my book.
We spend so many years not liking ourselves because of some perceived imperfection that only we know about and actually others have loved us all along because of who we are in total not just bits of us.
Check out mindfulness when you get the chance it is the most fantastic way to learn to be in the moment and to be accepting of ourselves.
You are wonderful Cynthia, not cause I say so, but cause your a human being. And one who is determined to love themslves, however tough the struggle. Once we learn to love ourselves then it is amazing how much people want to be our real friends because it allows them to feel safe being themselves with us. And what could be better than genuine people connecting together.
Happy New Year
xx

Debra She Who Seeks said...

This post made me think of Paul McCartney's song "Blackbird" and its line "take these broken wings and learn to fly." It's such an evocative song. I know you will fly again soon.

Jennifer said...

We make mistakes...it's ok. Sometimes we do it again....so what. I tell myself something I learned from a special person once "what would you say to your friend "you're stupid, you failed!" or would you say "I love you still.". Well, let's talk to ourselves as if we're our own best friends.... I love you still...it's ok friend. Jennifer

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