Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Living in limbo

happier and chubbier days

I know it has been awhile since my last post. My sweet little girl cat Princess has taken ill and has gone from bad to worse. I have watched her waste away before my very eyes and I' m afraid that I am not taking it very well. When you watch a vibrant little animal first go blind and then turn to skin and bones and barely walking, eating or drinking, well, I must confess that this  has turned me into a worrying and fretting mess, a raw exposed nerve and not very nice to be around.  Fear snaps back as anger and every insecurity I have is even more pronounced and I am as vunerable as a child.  I do not do sickness or death well.  I end up spending a lot of time going back to my old friends junk food and tv...not a good combination for me but for many a year my drugs of choice when the going gets tough.  Funny how when you are hurting the first thing you turn to is something that is going to cause you more hurt and discomfort rather than going to the gym or doing yoga  and eating nourishing and sustaining food.

  I suppose when you don't have children your pets are your kids and the bond is much stronger. She has been in our lives for 14 years... since the first time that we saw her , dragging her five kittens across our front fence. We reluctantly took all of them in , spayed and neutered them, saved them from too numerous to remember illnesses and disasters and ended up with keeping two, my Princess and her son Ginger. We became a little family and I watched as my husband who said he was allergic to cats, baby talk and play with them.  I gained a new respect and love for him as I saw his tender side revealed.

   I've never had a pet this long. I didn't have much luck with animals. My mom never let us have a dog or cat as kids cause she said it was too much of a heartache. I now see where she was coming from... obviously from the voice of experience.  Heaven only knows what she went through as a child...I shudder to think.  I also cannot imagine how people endure what they do in life...losing a child must
be so utterly devastating...and for all of you who must be thinking that a pet is nothing in comparision and what is this crazy lady going on about, well I wholeheartedly agree with you...the suffering that many go through is just impossible for me to comprehend.

 I just lost my mom in September and now I am going through it all over again...  caring for and watching someone you love die.   She is still eating and drinking and purring..maybe a miracle will happen?... so we wait and watch and suffer right along with her.

  If you are lucky, you find a soulmate or two in this life... She is one of them for me.  I use to tell
my husband that I thought I saw my dad in her...she gave me a look that said Hank to me...it makes me cry just thinking about it and I still mourn the loss of him.

 She has been my constant companion and helped me through a lot of stuff with her unconditional
 love and sweet little ways that helped me to forget my problems.  My best buddy...  a little clown and a diva and a life force and a huge personality all rolled into one tiny extraordinary package.  

 To all of you....thank you so much for your words of comfort and kindness....geez blog love is like pet love...


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