Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Sometimes it’s a gentle breeze...

I have been feeling my mama...
sometimes standing right next to me.

I was in the garage and I smelled her perfume...

I snapped my head around but she wasn’t there.
I was hoping she was.

Standing there...  All young and pretty
and healthy and happy...and living
a life different than the one she had.

one door shuts and another one opens
or so they say.

I know that she’s in a better place.
and her tears are dried gently with
a loving hand 
as i wish mine were right now.

There is nothing in the world that prepares you
for losing your  mama.  Even when you know
it’s the right thing and the natural thing...
and something we all must go through.

I’m waiting for things  to get better...I can’t seem
to make it through a day without crying...and I’m
grouchy and short tempered...and I miss her so.
And I don’t know what normal is anymore...

when a gentle breeze blows I feel her and I
feel her soft mama hand stroke my cheek and
dry my tears and make it all better.
And I long for childhood days of carefree flight and fancy free
happiness.  And running swiftly across the sand of Lake Michigan
chasing gulls and laughing and yelling at the top of my lungs
while breathing that briny air and then hearing mama calling us in to a supper
of her extraordinary fried chicken and hearing dad’s change jingle  in his
pockets while coming up the drive after a long day at the plant.  
We grow up when our parents die and the childhood days
are a faded memory that will never return and I can’t go back
and I really wish I could.

she was there with me from my first heartbeat

miss you mom.your baby.


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