How will I change things?
I am sometimes a shadow of myself
and afraid to let myself soar...
Will I fly away like a bird so high above..
because flying away is a great way to escape all those
negative feelings and I can think of many ways to fly
away...I’m good at that.
|all art work by Giuesppe de Piero|
The holidays always make me feel so blue, so lonely, so adrift...Families gather, but
mine is faraway in miles and in my heart, and it feels as if it is about to explode into a million
fragments...my emotions are on the surface and the ones that are buried or that I thought were
buried come forth with a vengeance. And I feel as fragile as a tiny hummingbird with broken
wing gasping for its last breath while it lays in the palm of my hand...
But then a new year approaches...and my thoughts change to how can I make things better..
On coming to a close of the year 2010, I pause and look at me and what I’ve become...I have
changed...I am different and I like it. It’s taken me long enough but I think that at last I can say
“I love you” and mean it. And although there are many things that I could change and possibly should
change in my personality, there are loads of things I like too...and these are the very things I plan on
focusing on in this new year that is approaching. I want to be honest and open...kinder and gentler...
quieter...eliminate false fears, don’t let negative thinking cloud my vision, work for things I want and
naysayers be damned...Shedding old skin is good...healing, cleansing, rejuvenating...still authentic but not being afraid to show who I am, warts and all. Watch me cry...see me laugh...let me put my foot in my mouth one more time. And when I do make a bad, let me learn from it and not instead isolate in my
shell smouldering with anger or hurt and pain. I can’t change just to please you, but I might change to please myself.