Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Living in limbo

happier and chubbier days


I know it has been awhile since my last post. My sweet little girl cat Princess has taken ill and has gone from bad to worse. I have watched her waste away before my very eyes and I' m afraid that I am not taking it very well. When you watch a vibrant little animal first go blind and then turn to skin and bones and barely walking, eating or drinking, well, I must confess that this  has turned me into a worrying and fretting mess, a raw exposed nerve and not very nice to be around.  Fear snaps back as anger and every insecurity I have is even more pronounced and I am as vunerable as a child.  I do not do sickness or death well.  I end up spending a lot of time going back to my old friends junk food and tv...not a good combination for me but for many a year my drugs of choice when the going gets tough.  Funny how when you are hurting the first thing you turn to is something that is going to cause you more hurt and discomfort rather than going to the gym or doing yoga  and eating nourishing and sustaining food.

  I suppose when you don't have children your pets are your kids and the bond is much stronger. She has been in our lives for 14 years... since the first time that we saw her , dragging her five kittens across our front fence. We reluctantly took all of them in , spayed and neutered them, saved them from too numerous to remember illnesses and disasters and ended up with keeping two, my Princess and her son Ginger. We became a little family and I watched as my husband who said he was allergic to cats, baby talk and play with them.  I gained a new respect and love for him as I saw his tender side revealed.

   I've never had a pet this long. I didn't have much luck with animals. My mom never let us have a dog or cat as kids cause she said it was too much of a heartache. I now see where she was coming from... obviously from the voice of experience.  Heaven only knows what she went through as a child...I shudder to think.  I also cannot imagine how people endure what they do in life...losing a child must
be so utterly devastating...and for all of you who must be thinking that a pet is nothing in comparision and what is this crazy lady going on about, well I wholeheartedly agree with you...the suffering that many go through is just impossible for me to comprehend.

 I just lost my mom in September and now I am going through it all over again...  caring for and watching someone you love die.   She is still eating and drinking and purring..maybe a miracle will happen?... so we wait and watch and suffer right along with her.

  If you are lucky, you find a soulmate or two in this life... She is one of them for me.  I use to tell
my husband that I thought I saw my dad in her...she gave me a look that said Hank to me...it makes me cry just thinking about it and I still mourn the loss of him.

 She has been my constant companion and helped me through a lot of stuff with her unconditional
 love and sweet little ways that helped me to forget my problems.  My best buddy...  a little clown and a diva and a life force and a huge personality all rolled into one tiny extraordinary package.  

 To all of you....thank you so much for your words of comfort and kindness....geez blog love is like pet love...


21 comments:

Kath said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kath said...

Kath said...
no words will make you feel any better Cynthia, but just know that someone the other side of the world, who has never met you, cares about what you are going through and sends you a huge hug xx

deborah from collagewhirl said...

Oh Cynthia. There's nothing else that can be said... but I've gone through the same thing with an adored pet/companion and I know how horrendous it is. I'm sending you big hugs as well.

Gallery 13 - Lela Bouse-McCracken said...

So sorry to hear this...

So many people have pets who are officially part of their family. We have a precocious Shih Tzu & I can't bear to even think of the day when we will no longer have him.

Sending positive vibs your way... ♡

13 said...

I've just recently lost my cat misty, but it is part and parcel of living and loving our furry friends. Yes it is heart breaking, but I believe it's so important for children to learn the care, respect and responsibility that comes from looking after animals. They bring us such unconditional love.

Carrie said...

What I always cling to when it's my "turn", is knowing that everything dies but whatever happens, this one furry thing gets to do it in the best possible way in a loving home after a great life filled with free food and warm, easily dominated human bodies upon which to lounge. We should all be so lucky.

Even though yeah, it still sucks for us. It's an awful time to weather and nothing will make it better until it just is, and it will be one day, later on. I'm positive that when that cat picked you, she knew what she was doing. I'm sad for you but happy for her. Be brave.

OldLady Of The Hills said...

My dear dear....I so understand. I know how difficult and Heartbreaking it is to see your little dear cat suffering and knowing you could lose her. I've been through it myself a number of times---most recently, the beginning of January.
These darling dear creatutes are our "family"....they give us so very very much that cannot even be explained in words.....My heart goes out to you and Mr. Beatnheart....I send prayers of healing and hope, and for whatever is best for her.
((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

PipnMolly said...

My heart goes out to you. No matter how many animals one's had it never gets easier to say goodbye.
Not that it helps to say but I'm sure that finding you was the luckiest day of her life and all the days since. Take comfort in knowing you gave her the best life that you could share.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

I'm so sorry to hear about Princess's declining health. What a difficult and stressful time for you. May the Great Goddess Bast hold Princess close and give her healing purrs.

Lucie said...

Oh my, Cynthia, hugs to you!!! Your princess has had a beautiful life by your side, this kind of companionship is worthless! I understand you, like you my husband and I don't have any children and my cat, Maisie has been sharing our lives for 14 years too... my thoughts are with you

Kimberly said...

Aww sweetie, It's hard to hear my blog buddy feeling so down. Wish there was something I could do or say to make you feel better. Sending positive thoughts, love and light.

Vintajia Adornments said...

Hugs and love from afar

Juliette Williams said...

Oh, sweet friend. So sorry to hear about your love's health. Wish there was something to say that would make it better. Sending you love and support. xoxo Juliette

stregata said...

I don't really believe one kind of love is 'better' or 'more true' than another. I know that the bond that exists between me and my cats is a bond of love, real love - and it is endlessly painful to lose them. My heart bleeds for you in this moment.

louise said...

Been there - it's horrid. It'll get better in time. Big, big hug from across the pond Cynthia xx

La Petite Gallery said...

I hear you loud and clear. I lost my Husband in 2002, Mamma in 2003, Cancer 2003. Sold house and built a new one while going to chemo & radation. All the while my Gorgous Thor ( Dalmation ) was waiting to give me such comfort. Having to put him down after 16 years was awful. I suggest you do this for your Cat, better yet have someone else do it. I had such a bad - sad time, it can't be helped, They are family. Big hug to you.
I feel for you, awful time in your life. Love yvonne

Jacqueline @ HOME said...

Dear Cynthia,
I'm so sorry to hear that your dear cat is poorly ..... I know exactly how you feel ......we had three cats. Our first one, Jaffa ( a ginger) had to be put to sleep at the age of 20. I cannot tell you how devastated I was and then, Dilly ( a grey) had to be put to sleep as he had a terminal illness and finally Woody was run over when I was staying with my sister. All three of them were so lovely and wonderful pets and to lose them was devastating ( and, I have two children so, that doesn't make any difference !!) There is nothing that I can say to you to make you feel better apart from saying that you have been lucky to have had your dear cat as part of your life and you will always have lovely memories.
I also want to say sorry for being absent for a while.....my computer finally gave up on me and I am now getting to grips with my shiny new MacBook pro so I hope to be back on track with my blogging soon.
Lots of love to you Cynthia and will be thinking of you. XXXX

Chris said...

So sorry dear Cynthia...So very sad for you, as this is not easy. We lost our older kitty in December~~hard. Thinking of you!

Pam said...

Love is love in whatever context Cynthia and it hurts. I am sad for you, but know that dear Princess will eventually be pain free. The acknowledgement of release from that is what eases the
grief... definitely a hard time to ride through, and I am thinking of you.xx

betweenreader said...

Pam is right; our animal companions teach us a lot about love and joy, and it is hard to part from them. I'd agree with Mark Twain, that if there are no dogs in heaven (or any animals), I wouldn't want to go there.

Shel said...

I follow your blog and although I don't comment often, I felt the need to do so today. I understand your feelings for your precious soul mate, she's gorgeous and sounds like she's been the perfect friend and companion! My thoughts are with you and I'm sending out some positive, healing vibes to Princess and to you.

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