Sunday, July 31, 2011

Beatnheart is beating harder.


Time for my yearly trip back home and it is
going to be filled with so much sadness and pain.
My mother fell and broke her hip and at 91 years old
you know that that is not a good thing.  I am so
full of dread at seeing her... this time in not very
good shape both physically and mentally, lying
in a hospital bed and not walking on her own. I
am praying for strength and courage so I don't
break down and that I am strong enough to give
her some light and love.  I always say to myself
that this will be the last time that I see her but the
old gal just keeps on keeping on.   a miracle really.




There will be fun times too.  I’ll make sure of that.
I have some good friends to see, some music to hear
and play and a chance to have some quality time to
spend with my brother.   I have a flea  market in
Elkhorn, Wisconsin that I plan on going to and
old pals in Milwaukee to visit.

So hold down the bloggy fort and I’ll be back on August 18th.

Cynthia

26 comments:

Fire Byrd said...

Wishing your Mum well, and your the strength to be the daughter you need to be with her.
BTW crying in front of another human being is not a sign of weakness, just feeling. And feelings and emotions are never wrong.
xx

MountainBlessings said...

My heart will be with you. I am in the same situation, my mom is only 73 and is in the final stages of dementia. God take me quickly when it;s time. It is so horrible to see someone with dementia. She has not known any of us for the last 6mos now. She lives in another state too and I am planning a trip in the next few weeks and each time I leave her I am thinking it will be the last time I see her. That illness is so horrible, it has to be so horrible to be so lost just waiting for your body to quit. It drives me insane to think how she must feel, the confusion etc.

God be with you and your mom!

loveandlilac said...

My Mum's 90 and I sometimes I think this will be the last time we have tea together, or the last birthday, Xmas etc. And then she just, like the Queen Mother, keeps going on!

Sometimes the anticipation is worse than the reality. She'll be thrilled to see you. Have a good trip and enjoy this time with your Mum. Louise xx

Miss Robyn said...

thankyou Cynthia for your lovely comment on my blog - times like this, I realize how important my blog friends are - I have been under a dark cloud the past year.
now to you mum: what a brilliant age! 91years. she must have seen alot in the world - enjoy your time with her.. it may be your last and maybe not. who knows. all we have is this moment xoxo

Kath said...

(hugs) for you and Mum. It's a very special bond between Mum and daughter, enjoy your time with her, bittersweet as it is xx

Gypsy Brocante said...

Wishing you a peaceful time with your Mom and a hell raising time with your friends ; )
Have a safe trip and hang in there!
xo
Jill

Gracie's Cottage said...

Safe travels Cynthia, we'll see you soon at Elkhorn. Sorry about your Mom...I understand. Right after Elkhorn I'm headed to Calif to see my 86 year old Mom. Like you, I always wonder if it will be the last time I hug her....


Jan

Anonymous said...

I've been thinking about your Mom and your trip since you mentioned it. I'm certain, even if you have some moments of sadness, you will be a source of light and joy for her. Happy and Safe travels friend. We'll be waiting for your return :)

AND Happy Flea Marketing of course!

jeanette from Everton Terrace

Maura @ Lilac Lane Cottage said...

Oh Cynthia I hope you get this before you leave. Enjoy what time you have left with your Mom...I know it will be hard but as you already know ..every moment counts. Remember the good times with her. Enjoy your time with your brother and your friends too and I'll be watching to see what you did when you get back. Have a safe trip my friend.
Maura :)

Jacqueline said...

Hi Cynthia,
So sorry to hear about your mum having a fall. I really hope that she is OK and gets better soon. It will be lovely for you to see everyone but, very difficult for you if your mum is not feeling too good. I will be thinking of you and hoping that all will be well.
It will be nice for you to catch up with family and friends.....I really miss your stories about your early years. You wrote so well and I loved reading them. I hope that you will get back to them. No pressure !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sending healing vibes from the UK to your mum and will wait for your next post mid August. Much love. XXXX

Christine said...

AS difficult as it may be, you will be able to see your Mom, hold her hand, gently hug her and tell her once again how much you love her. Enjoy the time with your friends. Sending strength and positive energy.

Beatnheart said...

Wow.....nothing like bloggy love....thanks to all of you... as usual words
of beautiful wisdom from my fave pals. c

Pam said...

All the best with this Cynthia and you are right to mix happy experiences in with the sad. Getting old is not for sissies - or their families! Wishing you a safe journey and all the best for your Mum's comfort. For her to reach such an age is an achievement.

Chris Kerr said...

Prayers for you my friend~~May this trip be a blessing to you both. So hard to see your Mom this way....may the happy times pick you up!

Paula said...

Girl, thinking of you and yours. Certainly not an easy journey. Never was and never will be. Your commitment to have fun times to balance it is wonderful to read. I havent been around lately as there is so much going on in my life on this side of the pond. I discover each and every day what incredible creative potential I have whether this is working with lace, upcycling or in the kitchen! Paula

Ange said...

In the mean time - love love love to that wonderful mother of yours.
xxx

Pooch Purple Reign said...

all the best. funny how at times like that the love is just there. your mind doesnt know how it can cope but the heart just does.
~laura xx

La Petite Gallery said...

Cybthia, I know where you are coming from. My Mom had Alzheimers, I will never know if she knew who I was that last year. It is hear wrenching, and so painful to see. Sending you a big hug and try to enjoy what there is left.
yvonne

Punctuation Mark said...

hope things are good while you are there... wishing you the best!

Why S? said...

Best of luck on your trip. Best wishes for your mom's recovery. Peace to you both.

Erica said...

Wishing your mom well, my heart will be with you.

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Hoku said...

Ah, I'm sorry Cynthia...I have been in a very similar situation with my mother. Tried to be sooo strong...so strong that I didn't let myself cry. I managed to keep the tears contained by not saying very important things...my friend, I regret not saying certain things...like..."What will I do without you in my life" and "Thank you for giving me a wonderful life"..."I will always love you". I am thinking of you...my dearest Ukette....

Joanna Jenkins said...

Big sigh. I'm sending you strength and love and big hugs as your travel back to your Mom. She will love seeing you and I'm sure you will bring her great comfort. I'll pray for you both.

Safe travels. xoxoxo jj

Country Wings in Phoenix said...

Hi Cynthia Sweetie...
I am so sorry to hear about your sweet Momma falling and breaking her hip. I know that she is in pain, and I will be sending some prayers up for her for a full recovery and as little pain as possible.

Also sending up some prayers for you sweet friend. For you to be strong and help occupy your Momma's mind so the pain and the sorrow of being in a bed is less for her. I am sure she is going to be so happy to see you, but bed ridden limits the things that you can do.

Let us know how the trip goes sweetie. You are going to be fine. Your brother will help you through this as well.

This is the Miracle Weekend makeover. I am one of the hosting sites. For every comment left, Guideposts magazine will pay a dollar, to the next cancer makeover patient. Please stop by and read the story about 9 year old Charlie, and bless me with a comment. Out goal between the 4 or 5 blogs is 5,000. I know we can do it. I would appreciate it, if you pass the word around to as many friends as possible.

Thank you sweetie for a wonderful post. I love it. Have a glorious weekend. Country hugs from Phoenix, Sherry

La Petite Gallery said...

Thinking of you my heart is with you. Hope all is well.

yvonne

Oz Girl said...

I hope you're enjoying your visit home and I do understant your pain at seeing your mother in this condition - everytime I return to Ohio I think it will be the last time I will see my grandmother, who is 94 now. We finally had to put her in a nursing home in January 2010 and never, ever thought she would live this long. I feel so much sadness when I see her there, as I know she is depressed at her existence there. It is so hard when so many families now live spread out across the U.S, and not in the same town as they used to do so many years ago.

Hugs to you, and I hope your visit made your mum smile many times over. :-)

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